This is A story of a Boy

I spent my xmas inside the four walls of my room together with the one I love. Both alone, holding each other waiting for nothing. That time was the most wonderful time in my life when all I'm wishing is to stop the time and freeze it permanently.

The only sound that we can hear is the choir from a nearby church singing its praises as the time when Christ was born approaches. I can hear angels singing making my soul rest with my own beautiful angel sleeping quietly beside me. I'm lost in her embrace, and I don't wanna go back again to reality if all of this is unreal.

Being with her finally seems eternity. The cold air that enters the room from the opposite veranda door where we lay added a yuletide flavor for our serene environment. I stroked her hair as if I'm playing a harp, slowly feeling each of her strands, watching the movement that my fingers made.

Damn, I'm so in love with this angel...

I never felt so bored all my life. I feel like Ive been dwelling on this same stagnant place since then. A cup of coffee, pen and paper and a pack of cigarette have been occupying my choco colored table the whole time I seated on this fashionable knitted chair.

The more I stay here, the deeper I know myself. But there's more than a cup of coffee that I have been searching for. Though I have been living with contentment all my life with these simple things I have on my table, still there's emptiness...

That has been sitting beside me...all my life.

My boss sent me this thru email. I just want to share this, so I re posted it. Happy reading.

(This is a true story that happened in Japan)

In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tears open the wall.
Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between wooden walls.
When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there
because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet.

He sees this, feels pity and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail,
it was nailed 10years ago when the house was first built. What happened?

The lizard survived in such position for 10years in a dark wall partition for 10years without even moving.
It is impossible and mind-boggling.
Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10years without moving a single step since its foot was nailed.

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard. what is has been doing, and what and how it has been eating.
Later, not knowing from where it came, appears another lizard, with food in its mouth.
Ahh! He was stunned and touched deeply.
For the lizard that was stuck by nail, another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10years.

Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened even with this tiny creature.
What can love do? It can do wonders! Love can do miracles!

Imagine what it has been doing that lizard untiringly for 10years, without giving up hope on its partner.
Imagine what a small creature can do, that a creature blessed with a brilliant mind can't.
I was touched when I heard this story and started wondering about relationships between family members, friends, lovers, brothers and sisters.

As information and communication technology advances, our access to information becomes faster and faster that we can ever imagine.
But the distance between human being... is it getting closer as well?

I am convinced that the lesson of this all, is never to abandon our love ones.
As the saying goes, " One will never appreciate and understand the value of another until he is gone."

Not all humans have the gift of freedom. Freedom to speak themselves, freedom to wear what they want, and the freedom to love who they want. Like a bird, I wanted to be free. Free from bondage and has the power to fly.

But I guess, it will be only in my dreams.

When I was a little kid, my mom told me the power of wishing. We would sit together beside our window at night and wait for a shooting star to fall from the dark blue sky. She told me that once I saw a falling star, I will then make a wish and that wish will come true. Being a child at heart, I still believed in it after 18 years after growing up in a old fashioned way. I would stare blankly in the sky at night, waiting for that lucky star in the sky to fall down, wishing of something to end. I hold my hands tight and put them near my heart, feeling every beat of it and grasping every single hope instilled on it.

Wishing also gives us the feeling that there is still hope beyond loneliness out there. My mom only taught me the power of wishing, but she never told me that life could be cruel sometimes. And love is the most sublime thing a man could ever felt, but it is also the painful feeling a boy wouldn’t even wished for. She just let me go out into the world, and the rest is up for me to learn. I understand why she did it, because she, even herself cannot describe love on her own meaning. Love depends on the person who feels it. Day by day, I gently realized how painful it is to wish for someone you knew that can never be yours. However, I still believed deep in my heart that there is still hope for my wishing heart.

I met someone who made me fall head over heels. She was all I could ever need and the best gift a falling star could ever give me. My heart burns every time we talk to each other one summer breeze and my heart grew fonder all seasons. But the angel that I thought would care for my heart is the angel who chooses to break my heart. I wished she could love me the way I loved her, but she also wishes for someone to love…more than the love I am giving her. We are both hopeless wishers looking up on that starless sky, but she didn’t know that when she wishes, my heart bleeds. Not for my failed hopes, but for the reason that my love is not enough for her.

One day her wishes came true. The stars gave her the missing puzzle of her heart, so perfectly fitted for her, while I am still there sitting on a bench, waiting for my wishes to come true. I held my hands so tight, put them near my heart and wished for something new. As I ended my wish, tears fell down my cheeks, still feeling my heart beat with my clasped hands. I wished I can let her go, and I wished I never loved her for the pain is killing me.

“Mom, I have loved someone, but she chooses to break my heart. You only taught me about wishing and about hope. But you never taught me about love and letting go”. I asked mom as she sits beside me on our old window sill.

“My child, love is not something that someone can teach to you. It is you who can learn about it, and it is you who can feel it. I’m sorry, but life and love is like that. The moment you feel love, it is also the moment you will learn how to let go. By any means, loving is also letting go. Your heart will heal the moment you let her go, just what I did when God took your father away from me. I love him so much, but we have to accept truth and have to let go”. My mom replied to me as she watched me looking at the same sky we used to stare.

I love her still, looking at her from far away. She’s now happy as what I can see in her eyes. Today, I am happy too since for the first time my wish came true. Want to know what did I wish for her? I wished her to be happy all her life through.

Love is wishing. And life is moving on.

I was so shocked this morning knowing that the person who invented the famous "sisig" is already dead. I would not be so damned concerned about her if she just died by normal death, but the sad thing is she was killed by a hammer by someone who until now, police doesn't have any hint about the killer identity.

Lucita Cunanan, a.k.a "Aling Lucing", a native of Pampanga was found dead on her own home due to massive head injuries caused by a hammer. Mysteriously, police haven’t found any trace of force entry to her home and that the helper did not even hear any struggling or something hideous going on inside of their house. Aling Lucing lived together with her husband, who went out at 4:30 am to buy food, and their helper. When her husband came back, he saw his wife already dead of hammering. News also indicated that the necklace Aling Lucing always wore is missing. Somehow, the motive of the killer is not only by killing her but also to steal if my presumptions are correct. But it is also quite amazing that the crime was done just after the husband was out, that leads me to conclusion that the killer was no other person to them. Plus the fact that, the helper was left unharmed.

Sisig has always been a part of the menu for some Filipinos. May it be in parties or just simply drinking sessions, there will always be a sisig on the table. I myself admitted that I am so hooked up to that sisig. DOT (Department of Tourism) already featured the cuisine of Aling Lucita on their website to attract travelers coming to Pampanga. (See here). Aling Lucita first introduced the dish during 1970’s having pig cheek, pork liver and intestines with pepper for the spice as one of her main ingredients.

Amidst the tragic end of Aling Lucita, Pinoys will always be thankful for the dish she imparted. A truly remarkable lady who did not only put her name on the history but also put fame on Pampanga. May you found peace and justice on your final destination. Although I may not know you or meet you personally, But I thank you for the sisig.

Read the full story on this link.

Many people perceive that working in a call center is easy. But less that they know, working as a call center agent requires a lot of sacrifices. Before I landed in our company, I thought that working in a BPO company is the answer for poverty and it is the easiest way to earn money. I thought I was right, but now, I found myself wrong. If there is other option for me aside from working in a call center industry, then I would gladly step out myself from this office.


Working as an agent will not give you stability and happiness towards your status in life, and that is from my own experience after working for nearly 2 years in this industry already. If not only for my family, I will not force myself working my ass so hard here. I’ve got a brother and a sister who are both in college so I need to find a work that I can have the best compensation in town.
The number one problem for being a call center agent is the shifting. We need to base our working schedule in the USA so that means that we will be awake for the entire night just to serve Americans in morning (American time). Nothing compares having a regular and normal sleep than sleeping during day time. It’s so hard to adjust our body thinking that almost all of our growing years we have been spending the night sleeping then in just a matter of a snap we will be sleeping by day. If we need to talk about vampires, then we are the complete representation of them. Also, it is so hard to make sleep during day just thinking about global warming.

Since I started working here, I also missed out some important and special occasions in my life. Although I already know that working in a call center requires giving up social life, still I misses those times that my presence, and I mean physically can be seen on parties and gatherings. Imagine yourself working Christmas and New years Eves inside the office while others are so happy outside enjoying the festivities of life. Just typing this rant makes my heart so uber sad.
Gone are the days when work makes me excite each day. I already achieved my expiration point especially that I am working a monotonous work all day round. Same work, same old faces and same place that I seem to already memorize every single details of it. Worst is, I can’t even practice my own dialect here and only God knows how much I missed talking in my own tongue. I can’t even have some good vacation since all of the actions here are based on numbers. In short, I don’t have a life anymore.

I’m planning to resign from the office but there are certain things I need to consider. First is that my siblings need me because they already nearing completion in their college courses. If I take my ass out of here, then what will be the outcome of their education? Especially that it is so hard to find a job in this current time. Taking a deeper look in the situation, I am still luckily that I was accepted here as a call center agent. Passing the exams is not easy and to think that I will need to undergo the same boring interviews all over again just to land a good decent job. If someone will ask me if it is fun to be a call center agent, then I will definitely not recommend him or her working as one. While growing up and living each day meeting the demands in life, there are things that we should consider aside from earning big bucks. We should also think of stability and happiness on everything that we do. For now, ill just wait for my brother and sister to graduate, after that, I don’t care if I will work as a janitor, as long as I am happy with it.

I hurriedly prepared myself for work since I’ll be late if I don’t double up my pace once again for the nth time. This is my usual routine since I started living here in Urban Cebu, plus the fact that in almost 2 years of my stay here, I’ve only got myself to do all the chores and errands. That is already a hard task to do to those people who are still dependent with their parents and Yaya’s.
It was already 12:15 noon when I took a glance at my watch. My shift starts at 1:00 PM and I should take a cab instead of riding the Jeepney or else I’ll be in trouble. I am not used in taking a cab since it will be much practical riding in a Jeepney especially if you are a budget wise person. So there I am, waited for the cab to pass by outside the village under the scorching summer sun.

Once inside the cab, the driver asked me where I am going. I was a bit shocked after hearing his question, the tone! I happily told myself. I know that he is also from Iloilo from the way he expressed himself in Bisayan dialect. Anyone could distinguish a true blooded Cebuano from an Ilonngo thru his tone. I don’t know why but it makes me happy meeting somebody that is also came from my hometown Iloilo. Lets us say that after 2 years of staying here in Cebu, I already missed talking in my own dialect too. So I asked him if he’s an Ilonngo too, then he confidently answered me yes. He is also seemed to be happy knowing that he found another Ilonngo living here in Cebu. During the course of the travel, we enjoyably exchange ideas and questions, which somehow I’ve learned a lot out of them.

In the middle of the traffic, just to break the silence between us, he asked me a question. I am not the type of person who will first bring up an interesting topic for the conversation, so I was so silent for the whole time I was inside his cab.

“Why are you here in Cebu? You can still work in Iloilo without sacrificing the distance between you and your family?” He asked.

I should be asking him the same question, but given that he brought it up first, I am the one who will answer it. That question is much appropriate for him since he can also be a driver in Iloilo compared to me that I need to find a good paying company.

“I can’t find a good paying job there in Iloilo. I need to find a job that will not also let me survive but also to carry the expenses of my family; you know I am the bread winner of the family since my father died last 1998”. I sadly replied him hiding the fact that I totally missed my family. “About you? Why you are here?” I then asked him after looking again at my watch.

“My heart is in here. Although I grew up in Iloilo, it is much nicer here to stay. But my sons are there in Iloilo. I am living alone as a driver just to provide my sons a good education back home. But it is not easy to live alone; I bet you already know that”. He told me.

“But where is your wife?” I asked him while looking on the road we are driving.

“My wife is already dead too a long time ago, same as your father. I am a single father for my children and I did not search for someone to replace her. I missed my children so much, but I need to find money away from them. Got to sacrifice a lot just to see them stable on their own lives as long as I can offer something for them. But I am still keeping 500 Pesos each day for my self. You never know what will happen to our life, that’s why we need to be always prepared”. He was already teary eyed when he finished his sentence.

He is a father, and I am the son. There is something the same between us two, and that is we are both solely bread winners living and working far away from the family. He lost his wife and for my case, I have lost my father. I have seen his sacrifices in our short conversation, which somehow feel my worth much better. We are both hurt and scarred by our past, but continue to live amidst the trials that we are facing each day.

In life, the best lessons that we have to learn came from other people or strangers that we meet everyday. The driver taught me to be strong, not for myself but for my family. I know I am still young and there are lots of obstacles that I need to face on my journey thru life. But I am not living for myself, at least for now, but I am living to give my brothers and sister a better life. I am living to act as their father and as a helper to my Mom.

I arrived at the office on time. A one great conversation from a one great guy. Truly, a day to remember.

“Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better. “

(Lennon-McCartney)

In life, there are choices we have to make. Whether we should wake up in the morning or sleep again, go to work or be absent, or be alive or stop breathing. Life has been full of choices, and that is the reason why life is exciting since we don't know what's in store for us.

But what if God gave you a gift, and with that gift lies a series of choices. Let's say He wants us to choose between fame and fortune. What will you choose?

When we try to see ourselves deep down below our skin, there is something we really NEEDED that these two cant replace. But people are just too consumed sometimes of the earthly things this temporary world can offer. It is something no one can replace or even buy.

Everybody wants all of them. But sometimes we cant have them all, I am right? If only I can have both, then why not? I don't want to be in the limelight. I don't want to be famous since being famous means taking away your privacy. I don't want to have fortune, because there will come a time it will be gone. Besides, you cant take your jewelry box in heaven (I assumed?) or even in hell. I just want something while I'm here on earth. Something that will make me famous even without the lights and appearance, something that can make me the richest man in the world, and something I can be proud of when I face people.

If God will give me those two things to choose, then I don't want them. I don't want anything else. All I need is LOVE.

I sat inside the Jeepney, after a tiring day in the office. I am working in an international company, and I thank God for bringing me to this job. It was 10 in the evening when I logged out from our electronic time watcher, together with my co worker.

Let’s call her Samantha. I’ll try to describe her as much as adjectives can tell. She’s pretty, alluring, sexy and smart. When you got to know her, it seems that God already gave her all the gifts in life. And most of the people envy her. But never did they know, she still wants something, when in fact she already has it all. In short, she’s not the one who can easily be satisfied.

Inside the jeep, I carefully stare a girl, a teen I presume who is starting to live her life in adolescent stage. A stormy stage for teens and the most crucial one. She’s sitting adjacent to me and from Samantha. From the look of the girl, I can easily know that she came from a poor family. She’s with her mom, wearing something without those glitzy and glamorously dresses you can find inside a magazine. I pity her, since I almost feel how she is feeling as of that moment. I transfer my eyes outside the Jeepney, where the wind can take away those thoughts and pain I have inside for that girl I barely know. I pity the girl.

As I observe her, she’s looking Samantha with the look of envy, amazement and sadness all in one. Envy because she doesn’t have the things that Samantha has, amazement by the beauty that is front of her and sadness of wishing she also has it. I sometimes wish I was somebody too. That I have this and that. But having that wish can only give us depression and a sense of hate why we don’t have it. By loving ourselves means accepting what we have.

Wanting something more than what you have is not bad at all. I sometimes think of it as a driving force to achieve something. But try see to it, sometimes it can be a bad attitude. Samantha, having it all wants to have something much better as what she has now. The girl also wants to be Samantha, hating what she is having. I can’t understand why people need to be someone else when in fact its so much cool being yourself.

No one, even twins were born perfectly identical to each other. We all have our own differences from one another that gave our name its own originality. But we sometimes forget who we really are. We tend to forget how God loves us even from our own glitches and imperfections. That we are all perfect, not thru the eyes of the norm but to the eyes of the Who made us.

Life is unfair and will always be unfair. Sometimes it makes us a shit out of it. I can’t blame the poor girl. She wanted what she doesn’t have. And I’m wishing she can have it sooner than I think. I also wish Samantha to have a sense of contentment to her self. She already has it, but she just lacks the appreciation of all the blessings she is having now. May we all find the peace and contentment that we deserved.

How many times have we wished that our parents wil leave us alone? That they are always pissing us, that all we wished for is the freedom from them? I have wished that for so many times a long ago, but now, I wished I never did..

I walk in the city, full of people, crowded and strange. The street is so busy, but I am feeling weird standing on the ground while people pass through me. I’ve been alone living in this foreign land. Almost a year already, and I don’t understand why I am even here. Living alone is not easy. Having the thought that it yes, it means freedom, but it scares me sometimes that all I have is my self. Especially, that I have no friends here. Actually, I have two or more that I consider as friends, but it is hard to trust them as of the moment. Trust is not an easy thing to give. And after all these years, I have learn my lesson pretty well. I’m missing home big time. I feel like I don’t belong here.

 

I am bad. I didnt think that the words that came out of me will hurt him. He's the only one I have that understands me. Now, everthing is fading into pieces. But he made me angry. And now, I know its my fault why I vent all my heat on him, and I am feeling sorry.