Ingrata
I wanna shout to the world how b*tchy this life can be soetimes. On how lousy the people around me and how sick their lives that it made me puke.I have been too nice up to now, and I think it must be time to show how ass kicker I am.
I ran out of money, I don't know why but I am not really a pro when it comes to budgeting. My mom is, and actually a tyrant if we are talking about money and I did not even got .01 percent of her personality. I guess overspending always comes with the happy go lucky persona that I have.
I asked my used to be "best friend" via yahoo chat if he can lend me a thousand bucks to pay my long overdue credit to my office mate. I was hoping for some death threats already from her since I am already two months delayed and she might be thinking I'm running away from her. Thank goodness that never happened cos I might be in the street now covered with a bandera news paper drowned in blood.
OK. That's gore and way beyond imagining.
What pissed me off is that he told me he has the money but cannot do so since he is busy in the office. Will it hurt to go out and deposit the money for less than half an hour? I even laid all the options how he can send me the money, but still refused for the love of his office and choose to let his friend suffer. I think it must be the new definition of friendship now from my dear ol' webster. Would it be easier and less hurtful if he'd only slapped me in the face with the word NO?
I even pleaded I can wait till Sunday, and I guess he already has an ample time by the weekend for my request. But again, I received a negative reply.
Sometimes, we should learn to say no to something if we really intend to say no. Come on, whats the use of fabricating your answer when all of it will end up to refusal? I guess it is also a wake up call that, in due time you will know who your true friends are, when one of you has fallen. Some of them will turn their back on you, but their will always be someone who doesn't mind to fall too, just to see you get back on your two feet again.
Now I know.
Decisions
Why is is that sometimes we need to decide on things even if there are no choices available for us to choose? Why is it that sometimes, we need to do decisions against our will and in the end, face regrets for the outcome of it?
Decisions have been part of our lives since the day we decided to tell our parents we can do things we wanted to do. To tie or shoelaces, to eat Gerber or not or to go to school alone.Decisions on when to let go or when to hold on.
Growing up means taking responsibilities to one self and acting on decisions we are planning to make. We no longer rely on things or reasons from other people, and sometimes the things that we choose are not the result of what we are wishing for. Not all decisions are bound for success, but most of the time, learning comes after our decisions got failed.
My teacher in elementary always tell us to grow up and be mature in everything that we do. That of course include the responsibility of owning up decisions and facing them with dignity. But what did our teacher fail to tell us is that mistakes were part of our lives and it is OK to commit mistakes as long as we are learning out of it.
I don't know. There are things I wanted them to go back and relationships I want to rekindle. But some things should be left as what they are now. I have made my decision and there's no turning back. I have no regrets, but only lessons from the past that I will carry on for the future.
