This is A story of a Boy

Im tired and I feel like crying. I've got lots of mixed emotions right now and I really want to puke them out of my system. Never been this sober enough, enough to feel that I am starting to feel pain. And that mean that I am still alive. Capable of hurt and bliss.

I've been drinking a lot these past few days with no apparent reasons at all. The blood that is pumping all over my body is already composed of alcohol which somehow let me escaped from the moment of torment, our at least prolonging the agony.

My life is stirring not into the proper direction but in the avenue that I never should be in the first place. I put on my mask, a beautiful mask enough to be flamboyant in this game of masquerade, which in the end I won. But in the end of the party, it is me who feels empty, drained, lonely and used.

I really feel sorry for myself now. I screwed everything and even blew up all the people around me. I really don’t know myself, as what my best friend told me before. Nothing is right for me right now, and I am asking myself if all of these were really meant to happen.

Why can’t we just love someone and stay like that forever? Why do we feel change of hearts from time to time? Why can’t someone I love can never love me in return? Why do I keep on hurting the people who love me as if I never cared for their feelings? Why do I hate myself of having this life?

I want to drink again tonight. Drown myself in the abyss of darkness where all I can feel is me. Myself and its emptiness, I want to feel my cold heart pumping. Be sorry for all the people I hurt.

I’m wishing that somewhere along my silence, there will be someone who can tell me, “Come out. Its over”.