I drowned myself to the spirit of liqours last night. I danced with bacchus running away from what so called reality. This is not me, I told myself as I smiled with the people around me. I asked myself, why I am here? Do they even know me? I have fucked myself all over again from these places, and I love it........just for now.
I am living in the world where you need to put those game faces everytime you need to peek into daily living. Masks worn out, but still they offered the best lies a man could offer. Im like a peacock, designed with those flambouyant colors, but then the peacock and a chicken seems dont have a difference when you stripped down those feathers. Damn yeah, Im the greatest player for this life.....im the greatest fool.
I dont know myself. I just dont know who I am and who I need to be. Can you hear me?
Ive got two sides. But none of them will work for me.
I smilled again to the people sorrounding me. The prettiest smile a boy could ever give. But behind those smiles were my evil grin comsuming me. This is not me. I told myself. This is not me..
Sometimes I need to hate the world. Shes unfair. Shes evil. Shes full of angst, all bestowed on me. I need to find myself. I need to find comfort, not from the other people but to the self Im longing for. Where can I find me?
The show ended leaving myself solitary in these empty cold borders. I lie on my bed, thinking that by the sun comes up this morning, I will see a million mask buzzing around me. And Im one of them.
Sleep embraced me. Taking me to the place where I can be myself. Fully. Unbound.Free. But just for the moment.
Tonight, Ill ask myself again.............this is not me.
0 cups of coffee