This is A story of a Boy

I was inspired by the book of Randy Pausch entitled “The Last Lecture” to write my own, let’s say small speech to the imaginary public. Though I haven’t read the book yet, there are lots of excerpt taken from the book in various websites for reference. The book somehow tells us about his famous speech while battling cancer and expecting his days to end soon because of his illness.

Once in a blue moon lang ako nag popost ng serious posts. So I might give it a shot ngayun. Maganda kasi ang idea. So here I go….

Once in my life, I became a teacher, a tutor and a mentor to souls I never had direct relations with. People or I might say students that imparted a small amount of their lives, entrusting them to me for a short period of time. But that shortness of time can never equal the amount of memories that I will carry through my days as I meet new people to play and be part in my circle of life.

I was never a perfect teacher for my students nor a perfect son for my dad. I live my life thinking if what would Ill be now if my dad only stayed longer to see his son grow up. Maybe a doctor? A priest? A policeman? Or just a simple boy living in a happy home. But mom, as always been the positive energy giver in our home told me that everything has its own reasons why it happened. Sooner or later, even though how bad that thing is, time will soon place all things into its proper places in its own proper time. Then that’s the time I will understand how the hand of God works.

It was never easy to grow up knowing that a part of you is totally missing forever. It’s like having a home with no roof at all. Up until now, I never attended a family day at school since my father passed away. But I never felt bitterness in my life because I never given a chance to experience proudly introducing my dad to my classmates and tell them how cool my dad is. Not bitterness, but I guess its being envy that is slowly killing my heart. But I never let it got into me, I faced my life with no regrets and be happy for what I have and what I don’t have. That’s what my life is. Acceptance.

The feeling of loneliness never stopped me in doing what I need to do. Life must go on, and I need to move on. I never let myself stopped for a moment and let it stagnant because I know it is myself that I’ll be hurting in the end. I still remember that after dad bid his last breath, it was only once I wasted my tears for that young goodbye and untimely death. From the moment I burst into painful tears, I told myself that it is not a cry of grieving but more of a cry of winning the remaining fights in my life.

How will you feel standing at the stage, receiving your medal and awards with no parents beside you unlike the rest of recipients standing with you at the center, showing their smiles as camera flashes to immortalize the moment? I wished I was never there.

I never thought of being a rebel to my mom since I know she also has her work to be done. I keep on feeding my conscience that it is selfish to demand something to my mom just because I don’t want people to feel that I’m lacking a part of myself. That I want them to know I’m perfectly fine and happy amidst those medals and certificates that I have been receiving each year. Never in my whole life had I told my mom about this. And I guess she will never will. Life is too short to dwell and focus on life shortcomings. But nevertheless, I know mom is proud of his boy. Even though she never saw me walking up in that stage.

I always tell to my students that there is more to learn in life than learning life thru a book. I don’t know, but for me the best teacher would be the experience it self. You will never know how the apple really tastes by just reading how people describe it. You need to taste it by yourself savoring its sweetness inch by inch. How will you know love if you are only reading how Romeo loved Juliet? How will you know the pain of failing? Only by failing itself.

Truly, what really I am today is the product of what I am in the past. Though dad was never there to teach me how to tie my shoe, he never saw me celebrating my youth, how I attended my first ever prom, and how his son became popular at school still the reason why I am here, to the place I ever wanted to be is because of him. It was never because of me why I triumphed in my life, but because of the will my dad told me before he finally climbed to his deathbed. I need to finish school, no matter what since that is the only treasure he can give to me. And gladly I did.

Then how being a teacher and life related to each other? It is because life is our teacher, and we, being the learners should be also the teachers to others sharing the knowledge of what life has given us. I was never been a perfect teacher I told myself here for a second time. But the tears, hugs and smiles from my students when I left them is enough to tell them that I have embarked small lessons in life in them. That I was an effective mentor to them as well as how they teach me that youth is not something you can measure by age, but on how you view yourself.

Before I end this post, I would like to share a reflection that I have read this morning from my book:

There is rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it. Don’t listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second rate life and want you to do the same so they won’t feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; it’s to live.

Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry safe.

Or you can hear the voice of adventure,- God’s adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God’s impulses. Adopt the child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn’t safe, but what it is?

-He still moves stone